My Boyfriend Has Lied About His Past Sexual History?
I am 38 and my boyfriend of 9 months is 30. Prior to engaging in sex, we had several discussions about our past sexual history as I have not been with many men and I wished for us to both be safe. I disclosed that I had not had unprotected sex (and I haven’t). I told him that I was very discrete about whom I chose to be with sexually as this is my life and I am not willing to risk it for one night of sex. He said, “he was safe” (of course thats not something I would easily believe). Through our discussion, he did admit about having “unprotected sex” on a couple of occasions with his girlfriend of 4 years (only) but they were both tested. However, I was skeptical of his disclosure as, he repeatedly refused to wear a condom when we first started having sex (one time,he became very angry with me), which wasn’t until 3 months after dating. In our past “discussion” we brought up many things (we are very open about things), such as gay sex, threesomes, prostitutes, STD’s… All of which he denied as did I. However, just recently, he brought up having a threesome with me (WHAT???) which, he forgot we spoke about months ago. He said that they were fun. So I asked AGAIN, had he done that before and, his answer was yes. I reminded him that we had discussed this in the past and his answer was no that he had not engaged in this activity. He claims he told me. I am sorry, I would have remember that! I said, that it was doubtful that at that time, he practiced safer sex. And his comment was, “whatever” (He says he loves me but I don’t believe he cares about me). He replied, “why do you care, what does it have to do with you”? I said, his past is his past and, that he didn’t have to tell me everything, just be honest about “things” which could potentially affect my health. He said, my concern was nonsense, it happened 10 years ago and that I was making a big deal out of nothing. What an ***! I know we all make mistakes but it appears he is interested in having a threesome with me, something that i will not engage in. I think what someone does in the privacy of their bedroom is fine but for me, I have no interest in engaging in a threesome. His comment to me is that, “its just sex”. My concern is that he has been dishonest about a number of things as well (not just this) and I am now certain there are more lies in his history. I am just wondering what else he has lied to me about. I wonder what other “free spirited” sexual activity has he engaged in? He appears very uncaring about what he does with his life in general and, what he exposes himself to. I am not a perfect person and I don’t claim to be. I am not looking for “honest Abe” either, but to be dishonest and then not even apologize is uncaring. Lastly, honesty is a character in which I value and respect. If he had been honest up front about his sexual history (and other things), I would have been given the opportunity of making an “informed decision”. But by being dishonest with me, he has taken that away from me. And now I am concerned. Yes, I do love him. And, we have had unprotected sex. Should his past sexual youthful indiscretions be a concern or, should I move on and continue a relationship with him? Am I judging him too harshly?
February 27th, 2010 at 9:59 am
you have gone to great lengths to protect yourself up until now… don’t let him bully you into changing your ways now! I’m 38 and I know that based on my history with men… they will tell you ANYTHING to have sex with you. his past is sorted and this is why he won’t tell you about it and why he says it’s nonsense. it’s far from nonsense. you are taking a HUGE risk by having unprotected sex with him. he did lie to you, and this is not something to take lightly. it doesn’t seem to me t be a good relationship. nine months is not a very long time, and love does not lie. move on sister! the fact that he’s trying to corrupt you disturbs me. the big lie, then he wants you ty have a threesome?! whata loser. I’m sorry, but seriously. how dare he. it’s like he hasn’t been listening to you at all… or maybe he has, and figures, “great- I’m gonna train this girl real proper!” don’t you DARE let him influence you like that. there could be consequences that you will have to contend with later, and I’m POSITIVE he will not be there for you in the long run if you confront him with an STD. he truly does not respect you, I know that’s hard to hear. a but it’s better to know now than get more and more emotionally attached and set yourself up for disappointment later. remember… follow your god given gift, your instincts. good luck!
February 27th, 2010 at 4:55 pm
I share your concerns about physical safety regarding sex. Having said that, so long as he’s clean now, you may want to stop nit-picking his sexual past. One easy way to piss off a guy is to back him into corners with questions you suspect you won’t like the answer to, then get mad at him for not “self-incriminating”. If he knows how to operate with women in general and he’s suggesting a threesome he’s probably no spring chicken. I’d concern yourself with obvious threats to your physical health, like his monogamy or current sexual health, and forget the rest.