…rather than those who were taken from their mother, contrary to her preference.
1. Have you contacted/attempted to find your birth family?
2. For those who have found their birth family, did you receive a second rejection, or has it turned out ‘happy’ for you?
This got really long. Sorry. And thanks in advance to those of you who do read it all the way through.
==========
My Story.
I know for certain that I was both unwanted and neglected (at least by the time I was given away). While I’ve grown up hearing the stories about how poorly I was cared form it didn’t sink in until I read the following summary letter that the Child Services SWer wrote for me (identifying info. removed – I didn’t need to remove all that much).
**********
I have gone through your adoption file and this is a summary of the information it contains. Unfortunately there is no information about your birth and where you were born. The information it contains is very limited overall.
From the records your adoption was a private arrangement. This was not unusual at the time and private adoptions would be arranged through a third party, perhaps a general practitioner or a vicar for example.
The circumstances of your adoption with your mum and dad were that you were the daughter of a friend of your adopted mothers neighbour. This neighbour had heard that your birth mum had a new boyfriend and no longer had time to care for you.
There is very little information about your birth mother recorded on the file. Her name at the time was [name] and she lived at [address]. [name] already had another child called [sister] who was older than you. No other information about [sister] is given.
Social Services first heard about you going to live with your mum and dad from the health visitor involved. As a result a social worker went to visit your birth mother [name] at [address]. This was a two bedroomed flat in a multi storey block. The social worker who visited recorded that she had known [name] and her parents for a number of years and I believe she was indicating that there had been concerns in the past. When the social worker arrived at [name]‘s flat she found it to be in a state of chaos. There were empty cardboard boxes and litter of every description and old furniture piled up in every part of the flat.
[name] admitted to the social worker that through a neighbour, you had been accepted for adoption by your parents, [adad][amom]. She told the social worker that she had handed you over to you mum and dad on the 7th April 1973 when they came to the flat. [name] had told the social worker that she did not know your mum and dad other than they had no children and seemed to be fond of you. [name] had not made any enquiries about your wellbeing since and did not ask the social worker whether she had done anything wrong.
The social worker recorded that [name] gave no indication of having regretted her decision or of having changed her mind.
[name] explained that she had asked for a visit from a social worker and the indication was that because this had not happened she could not go on waiting and had made her own arrangement. When your parents collected you from the flat [name] signed a written statement giving them permission to adopt you.
There is further information recorded on the file in relation to how your mum and dad felt when they first saw you. Your mum may have told you about the conditions in which you were living. They described the flat as being in a very dishevelled state and this fitted with what the social worker who visited [name] had found. You were reported to have spent long hours in your cot and were extremely dirty when your mum and dad first saw you. You were very quiet and withdrawn and suffering with very bad nappy rash. They felt very concerned and worried for you.
When you first went to live with your mum and dad they were very concerned because you were extremely quiet and withdrawn. From what we have learned since about children who are neglected we understand that when a child hasn’t had their basic needs met they have become very quiet and withdrawn. These children quickly learn that crying doesn’t work as they still do not get what they need in the way of food, clean nappies and affection for example.
Gradually as you began to feel safe and to have your needs met you began to make more natural responses and soon began to cry and laugh and make normal movements. By the time you were nearly a year old you had developed a good deal and were walking and beginning to talk as expected for your age.
Your mum and dad made an application to adopt you in May 1973 and the Adoption Order was granted on the [date] August 1973.
I hope, whilst the information is very limited [my name] that it has helped you understand more why you were adopted and help you in relation to any decisions you may now make in trying to make contact with any birth relatives.
**********
SW

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